i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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