Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
