it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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