Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
