I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
