The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
