I wish I only lived at night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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