evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
