Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
