im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
