There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
