So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
