Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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