there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
