At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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