Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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