Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
operation harelip BJ is a go
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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