Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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