why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
