I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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