you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
