cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
