I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
