Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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