I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
