That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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