Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
