soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
