Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
