Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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