either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
