That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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