It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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