At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
