she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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