you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
