They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
