I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
