she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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