what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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