I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
