Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
