you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
