I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
