I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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