drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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