No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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