I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
