I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
