youre lurking in front of me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My feet surprised me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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