areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
