If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
