The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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