well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
