I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
