Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
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Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
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Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY