So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
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just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.