I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.