All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.