I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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