Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
