I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
