I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
