I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
