Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
