I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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