Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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