do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
