She went from zero to smokin in five shots
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize