the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
