That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
