She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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