After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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