There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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