My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
