Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
