hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
