hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
