im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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