You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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