just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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